Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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