Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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