bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
