I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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