I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
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he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
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he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote