My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.