What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
