I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.