I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
