i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
