Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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