I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
