I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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