stop calling my apartment porn island.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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