I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
