I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
