ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
