just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
