I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
