I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
