whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
