Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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