I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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