I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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