We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
