Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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