I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
