The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
