whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
