so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
