If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
