2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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