i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
