I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
