In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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