dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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