we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
