My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
