Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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