sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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