He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
