I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
