I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
