So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I will pee on everything he values.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
