Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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