what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
