I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you didnt know i had herpes?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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