JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
