Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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