OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
