I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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