At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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