Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
