Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
