if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
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I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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