isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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