just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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