So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
