I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
