So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
