Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
