i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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