why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
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My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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