Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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