I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
