yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
